I may not need therapy, after all. A lot of things have changed in the last month. Finally, the changes I write about are for the better. I'm in a new apartment, have two kittens, traveled to Louisiana, and my sojourn may be over.
I'm at the Starbucks on Central Ave. The one with the couches that I posted about on FaceBook the first day I spent in Arizona. I'm here to get myself out of the house and at least be in a social setting. Today is for relaxing as I apply for jobs online, tomorrow for finding One Voice and seeing if I can volunteer, and yesterday was for saying goodbye.
The goodbye was significant (and larger than I had imagined). I didn't just say goodbye to the love of my life. I said goodbye to a way of life that wasn't mine. Zachary allowed me to believe that I could have a "normal" life. Even though I wasn't really happy there, the dream was nice. I let it go, now. I don't truly want a normal life. As I told my neighbor, Jeanine, sometimes I look at my sister and I'm a little jealous of the boyfriend, the possibility of marriage, etc. However, I've seen and done more than most people could ever imagine. Now that I'm actively healing, I'll see and do even more. I wouldn't trade that for all of the white picket fences in the world.
I am young (relatively), attractive, and intelligent. The world is my oyster, as they say, but I'm going to make it give me caviar. Then, I'm going to share that with all the people who can't make it happen for themselves.
Just watch.
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