Last night a friend of mine told me he was proud of me (or something like that). Why? Because when I was at the nice mental hospital I had told the people that I was NOT opposed to taking drugs to stabilize my brain. I guess, in general, I have been pretty hard-core against them. However, more than anything, I have now and always been about being the best me I can.
Right now, that may mean pharmaceuticals.
Am I supposed to be ashamed of that? My friend's reaction makes me think so. I'm not always the best at knowing what my reactions are supposed to be. Not long ago, when some boy had moved in some clothes to my apartment, I had to ask my so-called friends if I was supposed to be weirded out or not. I was supposed to be, and was. The point is, I wasn't sure how I was supposed to react and I'm not sure now.
I know that I don't instinctively feel ashamed to admit that I need help, however it comes. I've helped more people than I know, and never once thought that they might be ashamed that they needed help. Maybe, this goes back to why I'm disillusioned with the world. Aren't we here to help each other? To love each other? To all grow as people as hard as it may be?
On that note, I have an intake with R. at the Phoenix Shanti Group Thursday at 8 a.m. I'm hoping that the early hour means it will be cool enough to at least walk there, even if it's too hot to walk back. I don't get to walk much anymore...
Kit, these blogs have touched my soul so deeply. Especially about my Chris. I am grieving also. I loved him so much you will never know the loss or maybe you do. Also your Aids admission has me so very sorry. Do not be ashamed of who you are. I am just a Mama in Louisiana who lost the son she loved so very much. Do you think chris would really take his life?? Think about it long and hard. It has been going through my mind since March 20th. I will be here when you decide to visit. I will hold you close and you can cry on my shoulder. No shame. I will bring you to his grave but he is not there. He is with me, you and all those he cared about. I too have gotten messages that could have ONLY come from my Son. Things no one else knew but the two of us. Love and hugs
ReplyDeleteLinda,
ReplyDeleteI am very glad to have met you. I am forever grateful that you showed me where to go, and gave me a chance to say a proper goodbye. My heart is lightened by it. Still sad, but lightened. I believe Chris was there...maybe that is why the balloons took off. I'm glad that I didn't get a picture of them, after all. It's always going to be a special memory and you're the only one who should share it with me!
LOVE YOU.